Mazda CX-3 Sport Nav
‘Greetings, Tim The Enchanter.’
By what name are you known? As Katie Melua will probably never sing, this is the closest thing to a conventional hatchback posing as a crossover I have ever seen. Deflate the tyres for proof.
Work of art, or turnkey tart?
If the Jeep’s cubic couture doesn’t blow your frock up, then this is the best looking car here, even if there is a slightly unsettling semblance of the gurning Alan Partridge about the mouth parts.
Interior design courtesy of blindfold and blunderbuss?
Nope. In terms of design, detailing and homogeny, easily the finest interior execution of this group. Also the best driving position. Rear seats notably comfortable, but rather less so if you own respectable legs.
Toys R Us or hot fidgety fuss?
DAB radio, sat nav, Bose sound system, reversing camera and head-up display fitted as standard, as are under-illuminated driver’s binnacle numerals and annoying lane-departure warning system which must be switched off every time you switch on.
Kiss goodbye to acid rain with an eco-friendly powertrain
Easily the least powerful unit here but, installed in easily the lightest car, still makes a decent, if vocal, fist of shifting the tin whilst winning both the fuel consumption and emissions stakes by a nose.
Drives like a hatchback after one too many Malibu and cokes.
Actually, just drives like a hatchback. Fine steering, slick gearshift, minimal body roll and sharp turn-in make for enthusiastic and engaging handling. But should a family car really ride like thimbles over a Zydeco Frottoir?
Verdict
The driver’s car of the compact crossover segment, but at the price of somewhat tough love for the rest of the family.
CAR WINNER
Jeep Renegade
‘Greetings, Tim The Enchanter.’
A refreshing change from this segment’s raft of teetering hatchbacks wrestling with Crossover and SUV nomenclature, this, first and foremost, is just a Jeep; alone here in offering proper off-road potential.
French curve fantasy, or turnkey Tonka?
Unapologetically the latter. Styled as the birthday packaging children attack with blunt scissors whilst studiously spurning the contents, the Renegade is chunkier than a 3.00am Newcastle-upon-Tyne pavement pizza. No bad thing in this company.
Interior design courtesy of blindfold and blunderbuss?
Absolutely. Instrumentation and switchgear hardly elegant and somewhat hastily applied. Driving position marred by gear change elbow-obsessed bin lid, and door bins sized for pet chinchilla only. More room astern than the Mazda, but less comfort.
Toys R Us or hot fidgety fuss?
The proximity of the 500X spotlights high levels of shared Fiat group wiring loom sub-strata tunnelling furtively under the dashboard, and attendant equipment. All the toys, however, including the only electric seat adjustment and heated helm here.
Kiss goodbye to acid rain with an eco-friendly powertrain
By the time a 1500kg kerb weight and permanent all-wheel drive have had their say, 400 extra cubic centimetres doesn’t equate to all that much added oomph, whilst mpg and emissions suffer. A tad noisy.
Drives like a hatchback after one too many Malibu and cokes.
Indeed. Softest ride and more roll than the rest, but still well controlled, with a tenacious aversion to understeer. Steering less amusing; feels exactly akin to winding up the propulsion unit of a Kiel Kraft Senator.
Verdict
Engaging, cartoon carton proposition for those seeking a genuine alternative to the segment norm. Stand-alone status enhanced by proper all-wheel drive.
Honda HR-V EX
‘Greetings, Tim The Enchanter.’
Honda’s first foray into a compact crossover segment which the company claims to have invented with its first HR-V in 1999, and then studiously ignored for a decade. Odd decision, and a long time to wait for…
Work of art, or turnkey tart?
…depressingly generic cross-hatch styling boasting more relentlessly creased surfaces than a Rolling Stones 50th anniversary photo call. An offensively inoffensive offering; in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
Interior design courtesy of blindfold and blunderbuss?
Previously criticised, but quite svelte and clever in this company. Gently upright driving position, and outstanding rear packaging facilitating both winning legroom and ready transportation of dad’s 1:250 Eiffel Tower fabricated entirely from Swan Vestas.
Toys R Us or hot fidgety fuss?
Touch panel air-conditioning all very well, but every bit as tricky to stab with Brutus accuracy on the move as any other screen. Best infotainment array here, and thoughtful his ‘n’ her phone platform with twin USBs.
Kiss goodbye to acid rain with an eco-friendly powertrain
Powertrain surprisingly noisy, but performance feels consistently lively enough to make a mockery of bald 0-62mph figures. Far more engaging than the petrol alternative, in which ‘VTEC’ stands for Voraciously Tepid and Eco-Centric.
Drives like a hatchback after one too many Malibu and cokes.
Lovely, short-throw, rifle bolt gear change, the best helm here for accuracy and feel, and terrific brakes. One stout vodka Martini’s worth of roll more than the Mazda equates to a far more pliant ride. A good thing.
Verdict
Clear space race and flexibility winner, but otherwise presented as simply a 51st shade to add to an increasingly grey segment.
Fiat 500X Cross
‘Greetings, Tim The Enchanter.’
Approve of the inappropriate, marketing-driven sub-species craze hatched by the lard-arse MINI Countryman? Then this just has to be the disease for you. Want a 500 but need a bigger car? This is supposed to be it.
Work of art, or turnkey tart?
From cute to corpulent in the puff of a bicycle pump. Something this swollen is usually extremely painful to the touch, so I suppose we must be grateful that the 500X is merely painful to the eye.
Interior design courtesy of blindfold and blunderbuss?
See Jeep for details; FCA instrumentation and switchgear miles behind Japan. Front of driver’s seat base intrusively high unless the whole ensemble is raised to nose bleed status. Brutal rear seat bench quarried from Welsh slate mine.
Toys R Us or hot fidgety fuss?
Specification suspiciously akin to that of the Renegade, and equally comprehensive. Jeep’s 4×4 drive mode switch here substituted by ‘Drive Mood Selector’; so ‘Chilled’ dashboard storage compartment presumably murmurs ‘Hey man, what’s happening?‘ when opened.
Kiss goodbye to acid rain with an eco-friendly powertrain
On-paper performance parity with the Honda, but a far quieter, smoother unit which pulls lustily from lower revs. The only engine here quiet enough to allow road noise to dominate proceedings instead.
Drives like a hatchback after one too many Malibu and cokes.
Fine ride quality marred by poor seat comfort (the only thing it actually shares with the 500), but otherwise a quiet, perfectly pleasing proposition that may be chucked about with greater alacrity than its remit justifies.
Verdict
May appeal to young, fashion-conscious, partially-sighted parents with cutesy-chic 500 aspirations. May appal many others.